My Differentness: A Child’s Journey to Self-Discovery
For as long as I can remember, I always had a sense of being different. It wasn’t something I could put into words, but it was a feeling that lingered in the background of my everyday life. This subtle sense of being othered was especially apparent in my mother’s interactions with individuals when we would venture out into the community for shopping excursions or other Mom-and-me adventures. Growing up in a segregated part of the country, my family and I navigated a world that could be both hostile and unwelcoming and at other times, uniquely friendly and welcoming.
As a child, painful questions about my racially ambiguous appearance and ethnic identity were a constant presence in my life, particularly from dominant culture people. “What are you?” they would ask, their curiosity often tinged with suspicion and judgment. My mother would try to respond carefully, her answers shaped by the need to protect me and herself from the harsh realities of segregation and the potential racist consequences of her stepping out of line as a woman of color. On those occasions, I would observe her pursing her lips, seeking to calm herself before responding. I would sometimes overhear her sharing these occurrences with close friends and family, speaking of the humiliation brought on by implicit biases reflected in facial expressions or words implying she had crossed societal boundaries regarding taboos against interracial relationships.
The questions, the looks, the sense of not quite fitting in—they all left an indelible mark on me.
These experiences continued to haunt me, especially during my time in integrated high schools at the outset of desegregation, and well into my adulthood, where I still faced awkward questions, stares, and hurtful comments, regarding my identity as a black woman and often thrust me into a liminal space of not fitting neatly into any one group and often not being accepted, as such. But these experiences also shaped my resilience and my capacity as a bridge builder with a capacity for empathy and understanding the complexities in the tapestry of our human experience.
When individuals are subjected to ‘othering’, they often feel a deep sense of exclusion and alienation. The constant reminder that they are different from the dominant group can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. These emotional burdens can weigh heavily on individuals, affecting their overall well-being and mental health. Lauren Goff, L & D Specialist
Embracing My Differentness
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to embrace my differentness and appreciate the nuances and beauty of who I am. This reflection represents only one of many ‘This is Me’ moments in my life related to identity and belongingness. Over time, I’ve developed an appreciation of my rich background with its unique blend of racial diversity, cultures, and histories. It is through these moments of introspection and self-acceptance that I’ve come to understand and appreciate the complexities of my identity. I now see my in-betweenness not as a burden, but as a wonderful gift that has shaped me into the person I am today.
Inspiring Others
As I continue to explore and share my journey, I hope to inspire others to embrace their own unique identities and to find strength in the aspects of themselves that set them apart. This Is Me NOW, embracing my past, understanding my present, and looking forward to a future where my differentness is valued and celebrated.
My journey of self-discovery has been long and winding, marked by moments of pain and revelation. But through it all, I’ve learned that our differences are what make us unique and valuable. I invite you to reflect on your own journey, to embrace your uniqueness and to find the beauty in your own story.
Join me on this journey of self-discovery and healing. Share your own stories of differentness and identity in the comments below. Let’s create a community where our unique experiences are celebrated and honored.
With resilience and hope,
Paulette
