My NPE Story of Discovery
In 2018, I took a commercial off-the-shelf DNA test, hoping to uncover more about my racial and ethnic origins. My family's lore painted a picture of a diverse Louisiana Creole background, encompassing African, Asian, French, German, Spanish, Native American, and Mexican heritage. However, the results upended my life. The DNA test revealed that my biological father was not who I had always believed him to be; he was what I now know as my BCF (birth certificate father). This revelation shattered at least 50% of my identity, leaving me reeling in shock and confusion.
In the initial minutes after my genetic discovery, it felt like a time bomb exploding in my gut. I later realized that the shock of my identity had not rendered me unable to look deeply at myself in the mirror for over 6 months. As I processed the information, I experienced anticipatory anxiety about how my mother's secret would affect my relationships and future. Despite the initial devastation, I have worked hard to transform this experience into an opportunity for healing and growth.
The concept of "unthought known" aptly describes the inner turmoil I experienced. These unspoken truths, once brought to the surface, triggered a profound identity trauma crisis. I grappled with questions about my true origins and faced the emotional weight of family secrets kept for decades. This personal lifequake, as Bruce Feiler describes in his work on life transitions, brought both devastating upheaval and the opportunity for profound growth.
In my journey, I coined the term Identity Disruption™ in 2018 to describe the traumatic impact of such revelations. Subsequently, I developed the NPE Identity Disruption Trauma Model™ and created my Signature ReStory Your Life process, which guides individuals through the transformative journey of self-discovery and healing. This process integrates narrative coaching and trauma-informed practices to specifically support and empower those navigating the complex emotional landscape of family betrayal and NPE discoveries. These tools have helped me, and many others navigate their NPE discoveries and rebuild their identities.
While living in Hawaii and working as the CEO of a family-strengthening nonprofit, I learned about and embraced the concept of Kuleana, which refers to a personal sense of responsibility. This sense of responsibility fuels my passion for helping others. As I worked to navigate my genetic and family secret discovery, I drew strength from the concept of Kuleana and my desire to heal and help others facing family secret revelations.
Like the iconic picture of the pathway that lay before the Ko’olau Mountain range in Hawaii featured above, I aim to provide a beacon of hope and a path for discovering a truer, more authentic self-discovery for anyone facing the turmoil of an NPE revelation, helping them develop the skills necessary to cope with these identity lifequakes. My work promotes awareness and healing, guiding clients through the pain and chaos of these unexpected discoveries.
Embracing the Journey
Having personally lived, survived the messy middle, and ultimately thrived through this DNA NPE discovery nightmare, I intimately understand the cycles of grief and trauma involved. This journey has taught me resilience and the power of self-discovery. As an international transition and adjustment expert, family systems specialist, and certified coach, I draw on my own experiences to help clients uncover and embrace their new normal. Together, we navigate the tumultuous waves of identity disruption, working to transcend the unexpected and reclaim their authentic selves, one step at a time.
My journey didn't just end with my personal healing. It inspired me to create Discoveries Coaching, a space where others can find the support they need during their most challenging times. I've made it my mission to empower those dealing with identity disruptions, family secrets and revelations and family betrayal, guiding them through their darkest moments towards a brighter, more authentic future.
Join Me
Whether you’re dealing with an NPE discovery, a significant life transition, or simply seeking to understand yourself better, I invite you to join me on this journey. Together, we can navigate the complexities of identity, embrace our authentic selves, and create a life filled with purpose and joy.
Paulette M. Bethel
About Me
Look to this powerful trauma recovery coach and dynamic speaker to address real issues with real experiences and a healing approach – for those who are dealing with the everyday challenges that unexpected identity trauma can bring.
As the founder and CEO of Discoveries Coaching, I tackle tough issues head-on with humor, empathy, and practical solutions. An internationally known speaker, with over four decades of expertise as a mental health professional and organizational leadership, my journey spans a breadth of disciplines, including cross-cultural transition, identity trauma, inspired leadership, strategic planning and supporting military families in overseas environments.
More recently I have dedicated the focus of my work to offering specific expertise in guiding individuals through the tumultuous aftermath of exposed family secrets, particularly the seismic impact of a Not Parent Expected (NPE) “lifequake” experience, identity disruption, family betrayal, secret keeping and parental wounds.
I deeply understand the shock and emotional turmoil of finding out "your presumed parent is not your biological parent." Leveraging my personal journey of uncovering my own parental secrets as an NPE and extensive background as a certified trauma recovery coach and a retired US Air Force Officer, family strengthening non-profit CEO and family systems therapist, I am able to seamlessly blend this knowledge and expertise to offer profound insights and unparalleled guidance and support. The approach to providing compassionate support and guidance transcends traditional boundaries, as evidenced by a pioneering the renowned NPE Identity Disruption™ trauma recovery framework.
Having lived through the DNA discovery nightmare, I deeply understand the shock and emotional turmoil of finding out through commercial DNA Testing that "Your daddy is not your Dad"
I am the creator of my signature ReStory Your Life process, which guides individuals through the transformative journey of self-discovery and healing. This process integrates narrative coaching and informed trauma practices to specifically support and empower those navigating the complex emotional landscape of family betrayal and NPE discoveries. By addressing the impact of hidden family secrets and unexpected parental revelations, I help individuals reclaim their authentic selves and find resilience amidst life's toughest challenges.
Beyond my work with NPEs, I am dedicated to supporting those impacted by family betrayal trauma, parental wounds, disenfranchised grief, and similar identity disruptions. As the lead instructor for the IAOTRC NPE Advanced Coaching Course for certified trauma coaches and therapists, I continue to educate and inspire. I occasionally lead workshops and retreats and actively support my community through involvement with several philanthropic groups, including the NPE Network.
Join me at Discoveries Coaching, where I offer keynote presentations, workshops, and training using her expertise, knowledge and lived experiences in helping you to navigate the complexities of unexpected parental discoveries, family betrayals and family secret revelations.
